Talking myself to sleep, (hopefully).

Too much REM and not enough rest is driving me insane.
I used to find a calming kind of solace in my dreams but now, this is not the case.
Instead of relishing in the wonderful places my imagination takes me I’m trying to break free.

I want to lay siege to the castles.

Set fire to the enchanted woods.

I want to watch the kings and queens choke on the smoke from all the cigarettes I’ve smoked for feeling the stress of not sleeping.
I want to lay waste to the worlds I love because I’ve given up on exploring the fantastic in my sleep.
I’ll continue to do so in the books I read but please Sleep, just grant me a night off. One night off. So that when I wake up I feel there is nothing to write-up.

I want the alarm in the morning to motivate me to make sense of the day ahead.

I want the light pouring in from the curtains to be a beacon of light that I run to.

I want the bird song to propell me with ease from my bed.

I do not want this curse, this overactive imagination any longer.

I want to leave my past where it is. I do not want to encounter it when I dream.

I want the living to stay living and whilst I do not want the dead to be dead, I do not want to be constantly reminded about what they’ve left behind. And I do not want the regrets.

I do not want to travel through time.

I do not want my heart broken, again.

I do not want to watch all of my friends disappear or my family flee from me.

I do not want any more nightmares.
I just want peace.

I do not want the warriors or the wizards, the talking lizards or the magic rings. I do not want alternate timelines where the Titanic doesn’t sink. I do not want celebrity cameos. I do not want to ride a horse through frozen meadows. I do not want to watch ships battling the waves of a storm. I do not even want the re-live the norm, the everyday dreams where I am bustling away at work or wandering around the Lickeys, visiting art galleries or reading a book.

I just want to sleep, to be at ease.

I want for my mind to actually just turn off, completely, for once.

I don’t want any ifs, maybes, or buts.

I want peace when I close my eyelids.

I want rest.

I need it.


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