Diagnostic

I cannot begin to comprehend the agony that is the everyday for me.

I cannot begin to explain the pain of the daylight;
the sadness felt at sunrise and even sunset.

It has been over ten years in the making
but I have no answers yet.

I cannot describe the pain in my eyes
and in my head when
-music, tarnished, screams so loud that my ears burn
-perfume, too potent, becomes a real concern
-concerts, dancing lights, means carrying sunglasses
-pain, too often, too much, affects my classes
-depression, clinical, creeps in shadow for a reprisal
-sleep, too much, too little, adds to the cycle
-food, too sweet, too sour, stings through every crease
-reading, too much, too fine a print, wonders never cease

and neither does the list
for I could go on
(the barometer reading in a storm;
the strength of the sun;
when it is too cold or too warm;
the colour of the screen;
the strobes and the strip lights;
the lack or excess of caffeine;
the changes in air pressure in a flight)

but I must cease to find meaning,
cease to examine the unyielding,
cease to explain the feelings,
cease to explore the unreeling

because it is giving me a headache.

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