If

If I were to talk to you again
I think I’d tell you how you used to make my spine bend over backwards
so that it became possible to look back at yesterday with a crooked grin and say
‘screw you I made it’.

If I were to talk to you again
I could tell you how words you said years ago still reverberate in my brain
suspending the disbelief I had in myself, reaffirming my claim to my own life
and establishing the fact that in order to love another I first had to learn to love me
more than you did.

If I were to talk to you again
I would tell you about all of the dreams you’re in that bounce around my head
when I’m not tucked up in bed and sleeping but instead I’m simply daydreaming
or recalling a time in my life when confusion didn’t matter because I had someone to weather through the storms with, because when things got too much you would
just squeeze my hand.

If I were to talk to you again
I think I’d tell you I could tell you I would tell you
I should tell you 

I am never going to.

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9 thoughts on “If

  1. thereluctantpoet says:

    OH, Yes! You go Girl! It’s hard to get the negativity out of your life if you are married to it or it’s a parent or a boss. But true sanity and happiness demands that you act. You must do the thing that You think you cannot do!!! Such a great piece!!

    Liked by 1 person

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