Lifeline

The stars flicker
I shiver
Thumb and finger grip tight
This pen is my lifeline
The markings made are all mine
Even when all the light dies
This pen becomes my voice and eyes
It shouts and it screams
As I tear at the seams
And even though I can’t literally see
In this pitch-black
It doesn’t matter
Because I have never truly been one for looking where I was going
Or finishing a rhyme scheme.

Too tired to think of a title

I should be in bed, attempting sleep, letting sweet sweet dreams wash over me
(although, lets be honest,
dreams these days are far from sweet, offering no promise.
They are instead a black hole of nightmares that come crawling out from the corners of my eyelids to rip away the remaining light left in my soul).

I should be in bed, attempting sleep, letting my body rest, in an attempt to prepare for tomorrow
(although, lets be honest,
nothing can quite possibly prepare me for another day of being me,
the me of now, the one who although she’s restless she cannot rest for want of an end to the voices in her head).

Well that went somewhere I didn’t first intend to type . . .

Point is I am tired. And I am tired of being tired. And all my hypersensitive bullcrap is enough to just —

No, don’t do that to yourself.

Tuesday’s Tune #5

A bit slow posting a tune I know but with what happened in Manchester today I guess I wasn’t exactly in a music mood. My brain just zoned out of any of the lyrics I was listening to.

In the end, I’ve decided to go with Christina Perri’s ‘Only Human’.

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down

~ Only Human by Christina Perri.

Mystery Blogger Award

mba

Award Rules
* Put the award logo on your blog.
* List the rules.
* Thank whoever nominated you and link to their blog.
* Mention the creator of the award (Okoto Enigma) and provide a link as well.
* Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
* Nominate roughly 10 – 20 people for this award.
* Notify your nominees by commenting on their blogs.
* Ask your nominees five questions.
* Share a link to your best/favourite post that you’ve written.

Well this has certainly brightened up my day.
Firstly I’d like to give a big shout to MladenR of the helpful and inspirational blog Writer to Writer blog for nominating me.
And secondly I’d like to thank Okoto Enigma for having this lovely idea and creating it in the first place.

 

Three things about me 

  1. I thoroughly believe that if it wasn’t for Tolkien I never would have started writing in the first place. My first creative piece was a short story for school. It was about a dwarf and an elf who formed an unlikely friendship as they adventured together to find some lost treasure. I was young so I don’t remember the ins and outs exactly, just that I wrote it not long after I read The Hobbit.
  2. I really really like cheesecake. Baked New York Vanilla = yum.
  3. I am currently studying to complete my Masters degree in Creative Writing and come September I will be done. And quite frankly I won’t know what to do with myself.

 

Five questions from MladenR 

What blogging means to you? 
Blogging to me means sharing and caring. That sounds cheesy but it’s still pretty much the truth. I get to share my thoughts with all of you lovely people and I get to share in a wider community and read the awesome posts of others.

What was the worst day of blogging like for you?
I don’t think I have had a worst day. Maybe a month? As in April this year. It was only bad for blogging because I didn’t get to blog or even read the blogs I was following as much as I would have liked. This was because I was hiding in a stack of uni books and work trying to get my assignments done.

What is your goal in connection with your blog?
My goal is to get over this fear of sharing my work, of letting other people outside of my usual tiny circle read what I write. Okay, fine, I am doing a creative writing masters, but that was part of the very same process in my head. I needed to let go of the fear of sharing if I were to ever get better at writing in the first place.

What was your wildest, craziest idea for a story?
I figured what if Merlin and Vivien weren’t lovers but father and daughter? And the lore and history was changed by Merlin/friends of Merlin so that no one would go searching for her. And she only imprisoned her father because he was preventing her from seeing someone she loved. And that . . . I might actually write this anyway.

At what point would you say ‘I succeeded’?
I think I already have. Just by finally plucking up the courage and making this blog I have done something I never thought I would. Some of my friends have been trying to talk me into doing this for years. So in a way I have already succeeded.

 

I’d like to nominate

Little Fears

Brave and Reckless

The Feathered Sleep

All Mouth No Spoons

Eyes Plus Words

Heartstring Eulogies

Musings of PuppyDoc

Max Meunier

My Red Abyss

RamJet Poetry

^ those are but 10 of the awesome/inspiring/emotional/engaging/thoughtful/brave/talented blog/bloggers that I follow. And if you aren’t already familiar with their work, take a look, you might find a brand new blog that you love which is one of the most important roles of this award in the first place.

 

My Questions – (if my nominees would like to get involved)

  1. If you had to live in one season only which one would you pick and why?
  2. How many blog posts have you made?
  3. If you could have one superpower what would it be and why?
  4. What is your ideal holiday destination?
  5. If you could go back in time to witness one event and not change it, where when would you travel to?

 

My best/favourite post (?) 

Okay that one is hard. Erm I’ll got with The death of good intentions. I don’t exactly know why I have picked this one. I guess what you consider your best/favourite piece of work depends on your mood at the time. My mood at this time says I’m pretty proud of this one.

All the best guys.
See you soon.

Tuesday’s Tune #3

So today’s tune is something I tend to listen to when I am writing my fantasy projects.

The whole of E. S. Posthumus’ album ‘Unearthed’ is pretty awesome but the piece Pompeii inspired an opening for a fantasy novel I am working on.

Personally, music like this, for me, is really inspiring and I find it hard to write prose without some form of instrumental music in the background.

How about you guys? Do you like to write to music, to be inspired by it? If so, who/what do you listen to? Or do you need silence for your work?

You can check out the track Pompeii on YouTube if you wish, just click here.

If

If I were to talk to you again
I think I’d tell you how you used to make my spine bend over backwards
so that it became possible to look back at yesterday with a crooked grin and say
‘screw you I made it’.

If I were to talk to you again
I could tell you how words you said years ago still reverberate in my brain
suspending the disbelief I had in myself, reaffirming my claim to my own life
and establishing the fact that in order to love another I first had to learn to love me
more than you did.

If I were to talk to you again
I would tell you about all of the dreams you’re in that bounce around my head
when I’m not tucked up in bed and sleeping but instead I’m simply daydreaming
or recalling a time in my life when confusion didn’t matter because I had someone to weather through the storms with, because when things got too much you would
just squeeze my hand.

If I were to talk to you again
I think I’d tell you I could tell you I would tell you
I should tell you 

I am never going to.

Images IV

◊ Daisies in a breeze.
◊ Smashed glass.
◊ An empty chair.
◊ The scent of vanilla and charcoal.
◊ Four leaf clovers.
◊ A marble carving of my smile.
◊ A fragile sticker on my chest.
◊ A candle lighting the room.
◊ The scent of a paper moon burning.
◊ The sound of blues.
◊ The opulence of vowels.
◊ A wheel turning.
◊ A lover’s scowl.
◊ Not much you can do about it now . . .