Prescriptions

I take a sip of water and hold it in my mouth.I can feel the liquid swirling in anticipation."We might have some relief," my body sings. Lips close, then pucker forward.I pop one two three four five sixdifferent tablets into my mouththrough the o-shaped gap I make. Like forcing squares into circles, they never seem…

the struggle

Mirtazapine.Amitriptyline. Take it. Don’t fake it.Wash it down. Look! You can smile now. Cheek to cheek. Ear to ear.It’s a hard knock life. I should disappear.But am I even seen now? Scream at the top of my lungs.I can feel it -I'm burning out.

I used to write stories

I used to write stories.I used to relish in literature; crafting worlds and bringing kingdoms to their knees. I used to write about monsters; magic; queens. But the love of the stories I was creating flatlined. I felt abandoned by myself. Why had my mind thrown them aside? They were a lifeline. I needed them…

stagnation

Stifled, I find myself writing only in snippets.Crafting singular, heart-wrenching, yet candid images.I was poised to express, but I express less than I planned.Pen to paper. Fingers to keys. Words simply fail me.My own mind annihilates my own advice. I contemplate on how I intended writing as a kind of self-therapyand yet, when needed now…

Endometriosis

EndlessNauseatingDebilitatingOperationsMedicationsEatingTreatingRavagedIllnessOmnipresentSufferingImbalancedSelf-destruction

Flare Up

Poke, prod, push.Clench, crunch, clutch.Gasp, gag, grab.Suck, sting, stab.Burn, bruise, bend.Trouble, torture, tend.321Start again.

diagnoses

I was diagnosed, barely into secondary school, as clinically depressed. A diagnosis which I have carried on my shoulders ever since.But I am still here, so I guess it didn’t win yet? I was diagnosed, more-or-less the same time as above, with dysmenorrhea.*A diagnosis which I was told to get on and live with because…

Scorched & Scorned

Abolish my lungs and then send me to sleep. You can do what you want. I won’t feel a thing.Grind my bones into dust to make your own bread.Take all that you can until nothing else is left. My mind is a heaven only I see.My soul aches to fly; it calls to be free.  My…

On Sundays, I drown a little more

Tears prick my eyes.I gulp as though I’m taking on water.I shiver as if winter still lingers in this April spring.I cannot comprehend life, nor what it is supposed to mean.In our younger days we were made promises.You could become and do whatever you wanted.We were told that the world was our oyster and that…

phoenix

I watch the ink sink as my mind betrays my pen again and begins to overthink.I wanted something concrete/ profound/tangible/significant/to prove actual talent.Medication sweeps over on a breeze of instability.I am fighting sleep.I find myself itching to return to the dreamsI so rarely achieve. Is happiness still signified if the two magpies lie dead, side…